Car Ride Home
by tearysilver
Summary: Whe Near discovers his feelings for Matt, he has only one chance to show them. On the car ride home. Rated T for language and sexual references.
1. Attention

Ch. one. set up so in the car is matt, mello, near, Light(by request) L, and watari. coming from a long weekend of much needed vacation from the very, Tombstone,Arizona.

I am sensing it.

Deep rattling sensation

from within my very core.

I await for the feeling to dissapear

and let me watch the game infront of me,

but i cant. not look.

His fire hair falls over yellow goggles

and his hand screams japanese slang.

He looks up to me.

i have too much .

my bodys too big. my hairs too wavy.

my clothes too bright. my skin too pale.

and when he looks away, im less than before.

ever before.

My eyes look to mello,

as he eats. chocolate.

it stains his hands. starking against smooth surface.

it disgusts

(entrances?)

me.

he looks at me with

(longing?)

hatred and stares out the streaky window.

Watari at front driving. his face smiles without twitching his thin lined lips.

he is everything i wanted to be.

passionate without effort.

Emotional without emotion.

Lover without love.

i close my eyes and realize,

my eyes were too big,also.

I want to cave in on myself as i turn to light and ryuzaki.

and maybe i do, after they finish their game with ryuzaki victorious.

Matt smiles approval to the man and i look out the window.

Chess is easy, when thinking.

if it were me, i would have won. but barely,

my thoughts on him mostly.

but there would have been a difference.

i wouldnt have gotten it. the look.

The puzzle infront of me is done,

but i pick up a piece and throw it back swiftly. silently.

i look around the floor,when a hand calmly places it back on my lap.

Ryuzaki.

"attention cant be won, without thinking."

he whisperes words of wisdom wrapped in cold into my earlobe.

I look back at him and suddenly, like a blow dryer, feel the heat.

the heat of my want. it was slick and dry, like plastic wrap,

and made me excited,

(scared)

for the other feelings i was dying to test.


	2. Boats and Birds

Ch.2!:D so far going well(:

I do not .

it hurts. it throbs in dull sensation.

His mouth on mine.

hands. his, hands. roaming.

mine press against my sides.

I wonder where they are.

The guys, i mean.

they left me with him.

with. my. father.

I want to sink

back into my mind

with the old sensation

of my mind like cotton.

I press against the wet wall away from him. he says everything is okay and slides a cold jagged nailed hand up my shirt. i want to scream.

this is agony.

my mind explodes with sounds of horns and screeching rubber on tar. i snap my head up.

i faintly remember. the dream. it doesnt happen, anymore.

not since he died. he stares at me.

i have too much hair.

it sticks in random places and covers my ugly face.

does he think im ugly?

i smooth down soft hair with a too big hand and stare out the window with too large eyes.

im.

to.

big.

"Near." a voice calls next to me. i glance and see mello starring out the window, light and matt playing a video game on a D.S. and watari still driving in content.

"Near." it says again. i look again to see ryuzaki starring at me with huge focused eyes. i nod, my mouth too dry to speak.

"You have feelings for matt-kun, yes?" he slides a thin thumb in between his teeth and naws thoughtfully. i nod, looking at the red head and see him and light have on headphones that blare loudly in the rest of the car. i take a glance at watari and mello, mello listening to an Ipod, watari with silencer headphones for peace and quiet. i nod again and rest my sight on my pale leader. he pulled out a dumdum lollipop and replaces his thumb with the sweet treat.

"Why not tell him?" he responds with a slightly full mouth. his breath has the hint of cherries.

why not?

maybe, im.

too.

big.

for him, i mean.

too smart,

too young,

too everything.

my mind numbs and i feel

woozy as we enter a long black and orange tunnel.

everyone but ryuzaki, watari, and i

close our eyes.

dumb tradition, annoying.

"You know how to text?"

my throat hurts and i need water.

it has a small, painful prick

on the back of it,

and i need to numb it with cold liquid.

i swallow spit,

but it hurts worse.

i nod again and take out

the cell phone matt bought for me.

"Tell him."

i nod again and begin letting

my thumbs type the words.

each word

sounds wrong,

so i erase and look back

at my leader.

"Give it." he says with his eyes

and i hand over the white device.

a moment later, he hands the sleek metal

back into my hot palms.

my heart races as i look

at the message he sent him.

"I. like. you." i mouth.

it was simple.

exactly what i needed to say. i hear a loud hum

and see matt take out his fone

and feel his eyes on my head. i stare out the window,

chewing my lip and twirling my hair rapidly.

i hear a few taps and clicks and within minutes

my lap vibrates,

sending chills through my body.

my heart matches the beating phone and i

flip.

it.

open.


	3. Smile and shine

Ch 3!:D

The heart, can easily be broken,

but difficult to repair.

The heart can be difficult to break,

but easy to repair.

i repeated this over and over in my head

before looking down at the screen

in my lap.

the words in big bold black held an answer,

but i was afraid to look down.

then with a bolt of eager energy, my eyes flashed down

to the words on the scree.

"I

like

you

too.:)"

my mouth fell,

agape and i looked back at him,

to see the smile on his face

waiting for my response.

i smiled back, and let out a nervous breath.

"easier than i thought." i said aloud when a sudden smack to my head made me wince in pain.

easier then _I_ thought." ryuzaki whispered in my ear,and a sudden

smile crept up on my face.

this was the best vacation ever.


End file.
